A Muslim's Islamic Guide to Orgasms and Arousal in Marriage
Let's talk about orgasms!
While Islam is part of a wide variety of cultures and families across the globe, one thing many can relate to is poor sex-ed based on purity culture, shame, and overall suppression of sexuality, especially for women. As we get older, it can lead to us being entirely lost to the world around us and considerably ignorant to sex knowledge that all our peers seem to have an abundance of. The reality is that understanding sex goes hand in hand with understanding religion, as they are not mutually exclusive. At The Sexology Studio, I aim to help revitalize sex education for Muslims and break down concepts that may be foreign so that they are understandable. With knowledge comes power, and we must understand ourselves regardless of marital status. For this post, we'll dive into orgasms and explore what on Earth they really are.
As spooky and as mystical as they may sound, an orgasm is really just a physical and emotional response that occurs during sexual activity. This is completely natural and experienced by both men and women! During sexual activity, the body experiences increased blood flow and muscle tension, leading to intense pleasure and release. During an orgasm, the body experiences a series of rhythmic muscle contractions that are accompanied by intense feelings of pleasure and euphoria. For men, an orgasm typically involves the contraction of the pelvic muscles, leading to the release of semen (however, the two can occur independently from one another). For women, an orgasm typically involves the contraction of the vaginal muscles and the muscles surrounding the clitoris and anus.
Now the underlying mechanics of this are quite complex, making this an absolutely fascinating science! Feel free to skip this paragraph and move forward, but if you're interested in learning about the complex interplay of varying synergistic factors when producing orgasms, stick around! At its core, an orgasm is a complex neurophysiological response to sexual stimulation. The experience of orgasm involves a series of physiological changes, including increased heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure, as well as the contraction of muscles throughout the body. A complex interplay of hormonal, neurological, and psychological factors triggers these changes. In humans, orgasm typically involves the stimulation of the genitalia. However, it can also be triggered by other forms of sexual stimulation, such as the stimulation of the breasts or different erogenous zones. During sexual arousal, the parasympathetic nervous system is activated, leading to increased blood flow to the genitalia and the release of nitric oxide, which causes the smooth muscle in the penis or clitoris to relax, leading to increased blood flow and engorgement. As sexual arousal continues to build, the body releases a cascade of hormones, such as the following:
Dopamine: a neurotransmitter that is released in response to pleasurable experiences, including sexual stimulation. During sexual arousal, dopamine is released in the brain's reward centers, reinforcing the behaviour and increasing motivation to seek sexual stimulation.
Oxytocin: a hormone that is released during sexual activity and is associated with feelings of bonding and attachment. Oxytocin is particularly important for women, as it is released during orgasm and may contribute to the emotional bond between partners. Less of this is released in men due to testosterone essentially cancelling quite a bit of this out, however, the way I see it, extending foreplay and building this oxytocin level to be much higher through non-sexual (but highly sensual) bonding can significantly lift those levels of oxytocin well above any other hormone. Instead of linking the sexual session to mostly dopamine, which is similar to that of eating a really good burger, focusing on heightening bonding through oxytocin is an excellent way to strengthen a relationship.
Endorphins: these are neurotransmitters that act as natural painkillers and are associated with feelings of pleasure and euphoria. During sexual activity, endorphins are released in the brain, contributing to the overall experience of pleasure and reward. Interestingly, from past studies by Alfred Kinsey, it was discovered that when highly aroused, patients could not feel any pain of their fingers being squished or any pain from ice!
Norepinephrine: Norepinephrine is a neurotransmitter that is associated with the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the "fight or flight" response. During sexual arousal, norepinephrine is released, leading to increased heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure. In a 2003 study published in the Journal of Neuroscience, it was discovered that during male ejaculation the brain activated all parts except for the amygdala which totally deactivated, thus stopping the fight or flight response.
Nitric oxide: Nitric oxide is a molecule that is released in response to sexual stimulation and is responsible for the relaxation of the smooth muscle in the penis or clitoris, leading to increased blood flow and engorgement.
The reality of many marriages is that women often enter them uneducated on this topic and fully believe that only men are capable (and deserving) of feeling this, which is far from accurate. In Islam, both partners must ensure the satisfaction of the other. This selflessness is essential to creating positive sexual experiences for both involved. From varying studies done, 95% of men consistently orgasm every time they have sex, while 65% of women orgasm every time as well. For those married and have grown up in households that do not discuss sex, this number is likely much, much lower. For millions of women, orgasms are entirely foreign and have never occurred– if you find that you lack knowledge on this topic or are worried as to why you haven't had one, rest assured, you are not alone. This is a very complex process that (especially for women) is deeply ingrained in the psychological sphere. If your mind is not completely enthralled in the situation, it can be difficult to "let go" and have one. For many, this can take months to years to experience finally and requires a lot of time and patience from both involved. Bringing in lube, making for the perfect environment, fulfilling different fantasies and desires, creating the utmost comfort, taking plenty of time with foreplay, and minimizing emotional labour is all key to unlocking orgasms. To expand on what I mean by emotional labour, it's really tough to focus on enjoying an orgasm while you're thinking about if there are dishes in the sink, where your kids need to be dropped off tomorrow, how much you should budget for grocery shopping, what you should make everyone for dinner, how much time you should allot for that task, how many more minutes are left on the laundry, how to draft that email to your boss, where to– do you see where I'm going with this? Many married women face an incredible mental load that brings on plenty of stress that doesn't exactly just "turn off." For this, I like to say that foreplay starts from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. It is a constant process that requires passion and love between the both of you all day and night long. Thinking about the others' burdens and mental loads, and considering how to reduce them is a great way to help strengthen this bond and build an incredible flame of desire.
Beyond that, during sex (which extends far beyond penetration!), many physical components are critical to embracing an orgasm. For men, physical stimulation through handjobs, edging, penetration, blowjobs, and toys all help build intense orgasms. For women, men should consistently help build to an orgasm by focusing on stimulating the clitoris. This does NOT mean mess with it like you're a DJ. Stimulation ideal to her preference works out perfect. Pair tongue, teeth, hands, and pressure together to create ideal circumstances. Using toys like clitoral vibrators are great tools here to help build to this as well. Note: this does not work instantly like magic. This requires, as I said earlier, time and patience! There are quite a few different types of orgasms, like vaginal, nipple, clitoral, and blended ones, but ultimately the neural system works the same, and vaginal orgasms predominantly focus on hitting the wall by the clitoris (which is a huge structure!). Building arousal through foreplay and varying activities can help excel a sexual experience. What's more is that women can even experience multiple orgasms! Let's take a look at the following chart that demonstrates the difference between male and female orgasms:
As we can see, the longer and slower rise to an orgasm can ultimately lead to multiple orgasms with a resolution soon after. This period requires aftercare– cuddling and "pillow talk" usually apply here as this is where all those hormones we discussed earlier come crashing down.
Sex is meant to be incredibly pleasurable for men and women in marriage, Islamically. It is up to us to educate one another in understanding the varying in's and out's of sex in order to make for the best marriages. Shame does not apply to Islamic knowledge and questions that were very much so asked to the Prophet (swt). If you have any further questions regarding orgasms, want to reach out, or just want to stay in the loop for more, bookmark our website and get in touch via the contact page on our website.
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